Pamela

Have been wanting to blog about this all week but am unsure of where to even start or what to even say. So here is my attempt to tell you what is on my heart from this sweet little gal, Pamela.
Last Monday the day begun by me and Dorian and Pamela getting up early and leaving here at 5 am to head to Teguc for an appointment for Pamela.
When the social workers brought her here to the house last Wednesday they told us that she had been thru some pretty horrendous things. She is going thru depression right now and so we are required to take her to Psychological Hospital every week at 6am. Well this past Monday we headed out to do that.
We arrived there at the hospital at 6am and entered and looked around for someone to help us. The place was packed full of people waiting to be seen by someone. Well we did not have an appointment we just had a piece of paper from the social workers stating she was to go here to be seen for her depression. Dorian makes his way thru the crowd and down a hall and finds someone who will assist us. In the process of all of this Pamela is standing with me scared to death hanging on to me and not too sure of where she is or what is going to happen. After all she has only know me for a short 6 days. After what she has been thru it is hard for her to trust anyone. I had explained to her that we had to go to the doctor for someone to talk to her and so on but it was still hard for her to rest assure that all would be OK.
Dorian returns for me and Pamela and shows us the way past the crowd and down the hall to some seats. Where we were told to sit and wait and we would be seen at 7am when the boss got there. They all thought that I was the patient the could not believe that we were bringing this little girl there to be seen there at the hospital. The majority of the people there ranged from all ages expect I only saw a few kiddos.
Now in the moments that pasted while we sat and waited was a little scary for me. I saw many who were out of their minds and were unsure of where they were or what they were doing. Sat next to one guy who just talked to himself over and over humbling under his breath. Then there was a young teenage fellow who seemed to be as if he was possessed or something. He sat there unwilling as two women restrained him in his chair waiting to be seen. Then these two young girls came in and where a little to close for comfort. Kissing each other and dressed inappropriately. I so badly wanted to at this point just leave with Pamela. This was no place to be. She has already been thru so much she did not need to see more and besides all of that I was filling a bit uneasy myself.
After sitting there in the seats for about 15mins we were then taken to the emergency room. We sat there with a few people and watched as people left and came and were so full of confusion. We sat here in the waiting room and watched the patients there in the rooms peek their heads out and watch us and they had a look as if they were lost in their eyes. I do not know what they were going thru but at this point in the morning I was thinking get me out of this crazy place. I am sure that I can find some where else Pamela can go and be seen. But we continued to wait and after about an hour the boss came. Dorian showed her the paper we had with us and we were escorted to a different area. Back down the hall and thru the crowd which had even grown bigger and down another hall were we were told to sit and wait to be seen.
Only to wait there a little bit before we were taken in to be seen. The three of us entered and sat and talked with the two psychologists before us. They asked us many questions and wanted to know how old she was and her full name and so forth. Well the judge is still working on her papers. I only knew a few things about her I told them and I was sorry but she was new and we were still waiting on the papers.
So they asked me to fill them in and tell them what I knew about this girl. I told them that she had just came to our children's home last Wednesday because the judge had sent her there with her sister and brother. None of her family is to visit her because of the things that have happened to her in the past. She has been solicited for sex on the streets by her 23year old brother for money to take care of her family. She had also worked on the streets with her younger brother begging for money for her family. She has been thru more then anyone should ever have to go thru. So with this little bit of information they asked me and Dorian to leave and they wanted to talk to her. They told me and Dorian we needed to go get some paper work done and to come back when we had what we needed for her. In the mean time they would talk to Pamela. So I reassured Pamela all would be OK and just to talk to them and tell them the truth about everything so that they could help her. She was sacred but was OK with me leaving and I told her I would be back.
So off me and Dorian went to go get this paper we had to have for Pamela. After waiting for about half an hour in this line I decided that maybe they were done with Pamela and I should go back and wait so she would not be sitting out in the hall waiting by herself for us with the papers. As I rounded the corner to go back to where Pamela was the psychologist and Pamela go running down the hall. Luckily I saw them and headed after them. To catch up with them and to find out it was only an emergency bathroom run. So I told the psychologist I would wait there with her and bring her back when she was done.
Well the bathroom like most here in Honduras was not the cleanness. The bathroom was open for all to look right in, there was no door. There were two women at the sink washing their hair. The rest were in a hustle and bustle to use the restroom. Pushing and shoving and trying to get their turn. As I stood at the door and watched Pamela was not making her way to the bathroom because she was so little and everyone was being aggressive to make their way to the front of the line. So finally I said, "Pamela get up there in the front of the line and go next." It was already past her turn so she was not crowding. She was just gaining back her rightly position. Although I did not have any toliet paper with me so we were stuck with out that. I failed there in my motherly duty. But Pamela acted as if it was no big deal and on we went.
Finally we got out of there and headed back down the hall to pass Dorian who was still in line. He has found himself in the same predicament as Pamela. Those around him were pushing and shoving and trying to make there way to the front of the line. So it was a long wait for Dorian. As we passed by he said well they need to know the full names of her parents. I chuckled and said are you kidding me I do not even know Pamela's full name. So that was left at that and we left Dorian to wait in line and back we went to the office to wait outside.
Once we were there waiting they called Pamela back in for awhile to talk to her as I waited outside the office for her. About after 15 mins they called me back in to talk to me and Pamela and wanted the papers, but Dorian was still in the line waiting for the papers. So they took me in and explained to me briefly what Pamela had told them. They said that she had a depression level of about 5 or so and that they wanted to start her on some meds to see if that would help. They said that it would not be necessary for her to come every week at 6am but that they would make some appointments for her and we would go from there. They encouraged me to talk with her and let her get out all she is feeling and reassure her she is someone and so forth. After they were finished talking with us we went back out to look for Dorian and bring the papers back to the psychologists. They were waiting on them for a client number for her and so forth.
As we ventured out thru the crowds again to make our way to Dorian we found that he was still in the line. The person that was behind him when I left him now was at the window and in front of him. I asked him what happened and he just gave a sigh and a shrug of the shoulders. Finally it was our turn. Although we were not so successful at getting the papers we needed. Finally the psychologist came out and she went in and asked for the papers and they gave them to her. So finally after a hour wait or so we had the papers that they needed for Pamela.
Only to find out after we got the papers we had to get back in the same line for an appointment card. I was thinking you have to be kidding me? This time it was all three of us and back in the line we went and waited. At this point it was getting late morning and we had not eaten anything. So Dorian went to the snack bar and got us a little something. While we waited Pamela had Dorian's ipod which she came to love! She just smiled ear to ear with it! As the day went on she opened up more and more and began to let me love on her. We finally did make it thru the line only to go thru two more before leaving. We had to pay only 5 lemps for our visit which is like $.25. And then on for her meds which where free! So about 10 or so we were on our way back to the house and out of that crazy place.
The things this little girl has seen no one even knows. She was put out on the street for a year to make money for her family. The men that were with her and the things they did to her who knows. Every time I think about it I just want to cry. As I sit here and type this tears come to my eyes to think anyone would ever do this to someone. The reality is that it happens but I thank you Lord that she is now with us. I pray that this is a place she can call home and learn to know this is a place that is safe. She can call it home. Over the past couple of days we have talked here and there and she is really starting to open up and talk to me about all of this. I just reassure her she is pretty and she needs to take care of her body that God has given her. She can make something of herself, go to school and learn and get a job. I just try to let her know she is loved and special.
So please take this girl before our God and ask him to be healing the places in her heart. I can't even begin to think of all she has gone thru but I pray that this is the start of a journey that will heal her.